You might find it difficult to find someone who doesn’t enjoy receiving gifts, and even if you do, they’re probably just trying to be humble. Gift-giving is even one of the five love languages coined by Dr. Gary Chapman in the 1990s and is considered a key factor in relationship culture for any couple who is progressing through the motions of dating on into matrimony and beyond. However, you can’t dismiss the significance of offering tokens of appreciation during other times throughout the year, such as birthdays or holidays like Shabbat and Hannukah.
Many Jewish gift-giving traditions are common throughout dating and courtship, and these Judaica love gifts can range in type, price, and significance depending on the occasion. Not only are these thoughtful gestures tangible expressions of affection and admiration, but they also point to a stronger interpersonal relationship that’s built on commitment and emotional connection, often enhanced with spiritual bonds and mutual beliefs and values.
In this piece, we’ll cover the Jewish courtship gifts that are essential to the proposal of marriage and your future life with a trusted partner, the traditional symbolism behind them, and discuss why these specific and heartfelt objects of devotion carry so much weight and can impact your bond substantially.
Engagement Rings
Once you’ve fallen for your significant so much so that you’ve gone through trials and tribulations together, introduced them to your family, and are sure they’re the one, next comes the formal engagement. Oftentimes, in Jewish families, the parents will be heavily involved and opinionated when it comes to who their son or daughter is choosing as a potential spouse, so that you can expect wisdom, insight, and even criticism along the way. All these factors will likely influence your overall approach, too. But when all sides have agreed the pairing is harmonious, it’s time for one of the most important Jewish love gifts of all — the engagement ring.
Presenting your betrothed with an elegant engagement stone is not so much about the value of the diamond or the extravagance of the setting but should be rooted in your deep adoration for one another. This represents the first step in proclaiming your definite commitment to your partner and will culminate with a lavish celebration of faith, food, and family when the wedding day finally arrives. In the meantime, there are other traditions and ceremonial events that will take place to further etch this initial proposal in stone, providing excitement leading up to the big day.
According to Jewish engagement traditions, many proposals aren’t as much of a surprise as they are a symbolic representation of pledged commitment and professed love. Many times, the families have been informed of the intention beforehand and have given their respective blessings in approval of the relationship advancing into a solidified marriage contract. This is known as a “Tena’im,” which translates to “conditions,” and usually involves discussions between both sets of parents in regard to the formal processions that take place before the impending ceremony.
Ketubah
The longstanding Hebrew tradition of creating and gifting the Ketubah is a process that’s as artistically beautiful as it is a spiritual and cultural ritual. This further binds a lovely couple together under a variety of contractual agreements, which are written in Hebrew or Aramaic, and sometimes even Yiddish in addition to their native language. Historically, the text was transcribed by hand and with ink on parchment paper, but today, many different elaborate and textural templates are used. What’s most striking about the Ketubah, however, is its meticulous design work.
Ketubahs can be a variety of shapes or sizes, so it’s ultimately up to the couple to decide which material they like best — whether it be parchment, cloth, stone, or something else — and then choose the type of ornamentation they’d like. Many Jewish engagement traditions include choosing a combination of vibrant colors and complex patterns while involving scrollwork from the Torah that’s either specific to marriage or the couple themselves. While some couples go with a more minimalist approach today, the declaration and documentation of marriage is still the most crucial aspect.
While the old-school Ketubah was more focused on an agreed-upon contract between both families, present days have seen it embody the couple’s vows and mutual values instead. To be considered legitimate, the Ketubah was historically signed on-site by witlessness who aren’t blood-related, and the final product is ceremoniously presented to the newlyweds by the Rabbi once the formal covenant is completed. In many ways, this is the most symbolic wedding gift of all.
Chuppah (Wedding Canopy)
One of the most noticeable and interactive parts of a Hebrew wedding is the inclusion of the Chuppah, or wedding canopy. Here, the bride and groom become unified under a square-shaped white cloth held by four posts, which represents the future home the couple will be building, while the open sides create an inviting atmosphere that beckons family, friends, and guests to be further involved in the duo’s life going forward. It’s also reminiscent of the traditional Jewish sukkah.
The public ceremony’s display under the Chuppah usually draws attention due to the intricate design on the cloth, as the artistic nature of the fabric is meant to emphasize the gravity of the occasion through the concept of hiddur mitzvah, or the embellishment of the precept of marriage. This way, guests at the wedding are able to marvel at the elegant couple while also appreciating the spectacle of the procession itself. A Chuppah is meant to be outdoors so that the stars oversee the proceedings, with the symbolism of God and the heavens watching over the wedding meant to reaffirm the husband and wife that the Lord alone dictates their path.
Traditionally, the Chuppah was always draped around the couple after the conclusion of the matrimony in order to signify their newly formed bond to the public, but because this could turn into a more tedious process with having to dismantle an elaborate arrangement, a tallit, or prayer shawl, is now more commonly placed over each individual’s head to convey the unification, and this gift is usually provided by the bride’s family. After the wedding has concluded, guests are invited to adorn the newlyweds with gifts and sweets, as well as charity contributions for the causes and initiatives they stand for and plan to support in their lives.
Shabbat Gifts
There are numerous opportunities to give Jewish courtship gifts throughout your dating cycle, and one of the easiest recurring circumstances is the weekly Shabbat celebration. Each week on the Sabbath, you not only come together with loved ones and peers to celebrate the wonders of Judaism, but you’re also able to bond deeply with your significant other both personally and spiritually. This might involve additional hiddur mitzvah, which may involve gifting books, candles, sweets, or wine — all of which are popular in Jewish gift-giving traditions and at the very least, provide an endearing sentiment to someone you care deeply about.
If you’re in the early stages of dating or don’t want your companion’s family to feel left out when you’re attending their Shabbat dinner, you can always bring a food dish — bonus points are in order if it’s made from scratch with love! Kiddush cups for wine, matzah covers, and seder plates are all examples of other Jewish love gifts that extend beyond your partner and into the good graces of his or her extended family. These symbols of appreciation not only show your devotion to Judaism and its practices, but demonstrate your pursuit of a spouse by incorporating tradition into your approach.
Judaica
At the essence of hiddur mitzvah are Judaica love gifts, which don’t necessarily need to be lavish or expensive items in order to be appreciated. In fact, hand-crafted items, family heirlooms, items from professional artists, and even creations by children from their Jewish schooling are all common ways you can see the objects of embellishment being utilized in traditional holidays or momentous occasions such as a wedding ceremony. When you present any of these items that have a rich personal history or that were created or purchased with adoration and loving intent, the person you’re dating will see more than the value of the piece itself and will understand that the sentiment delves deeper into the appreciation and respect you have for one another.
Gifts for Special Occasions
There are tons of other times when gift-giving is prevalent in the Jewish community, including the High Holy Days, Hanukkah, Passover seders, and, of course, anniversaries and birthdays. While you don’t necessarily need to present Jewish gifts for the final two occasions on that list, there is never a bad time to tie spirituality into your relationship, no matter how long it’s persisted. Faith in God and obedience to the Torah are at the forefront of your daily focus, and as a couple, you will surely find meaningful and symbolic ways to represent your spiritual and practical lives by giving objects of affection. The longer you’re together, the more special these gestures become, cementing the covenant fulfilled by God with tokens of appreciation that represent your undying love for each other.
