From Groucho Marx to Andy Kaufman to Sarah Silverman, Jewish people have an earned reputation for being hilarious. If you’ve got a little bit of comedian in you, why not use it to your advantage? Finding a life partner on a Jewish dating app can be tough, but the right pick-up line, delivered in a slick manner, can not only endear you to a potential dating partner, it can be the beginning of a great origin story for your relationship.
But if you’re wondering how to get that beautiful woman or cute guy on Jdate to finally agree to a coffee date, you’ll have to be smooth in your delivery. Or at least make them laugh — because what Jewish single can resist a funny person? From holiday-appropriate opening gambits to the lines best avoided, here’s our tongue-in-cheek guide to Jewish pick-up lines
Four Hanukkah Pick-Up Lines
Holidays tend to be a great facilitator of relationships since most people don’t want to spend their holidays alone. With its festive nature, Hannukkah is a great time to meet a single Jewish partner. Here are a few openers that you can use to talk to a potential dating partner.
1. “Do you think our kids should get eight small presents or one big one?”
Strictly for the bold, this one. After all, you’re getting them to picture the kids you’ll have together before even going on a first date! Not weird at all. But hey, if it works, it works!
2. “Your eyes are shinier than the oil in the menorah!”
This one has just the right amount of corniness to get a laugh. Yes, they used to use oil. Not candles. Didn’t you go to Hebrew School? Don’t worry, they’ll understand.
3. “On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re hotter than the number of nights of Hanukkah.”
Can’t go wrong with this. If they stop to do the math, move on to higher IQ pastures. An alternate version is, “On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re hotter than the number of flames on a menorah. It doesn’t have to make perfect sense, and if they respond, “What does that even mean?” well, at least you have a conversation going.
4. “Is that a dreidel in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
Make sure to follow up with: “A big dreidel, I mean!” And “Oh, um, forget it.” Obviously, this works a little bit better if the person on the receiving end is a Jewish guy.
Remember, it’s all going to be in your delivery.
Four Sukkot Pick-Up Lines
Sukkot is a bit more somber than Hannukah, which is why just a tiny bit of levity (or irreverence) might work in your favor.
1. “I have been lost in your eyes for what feels like 40 years… so I built a hut.”
Wandering Jews reference? Nailed it! Extra points if you’re actually standing in front of a hut.
2. “You see this shirt? It’s made of Abba material. It’s comfortable and stern!”
If they laugh, you’ll know that they are A) Jewish and B) have a good sense of humor.
3. “You see this dress? It’s made of Emma material. Fabulous and comforting!”
Clearly, these last two jokes were cut from the same cloth.
4. “You remind me of a mezuzah… So, I’m supposed to kiss you, right?”
Hear, Oh Israel, I will kiss this person! Very bold, but the reward can be just as lucrative. Follow up with, “Well, you can owe me.”
Four High Holiday Pick-Up Lines
Didn’t think that the High Holidays could be a good opportunity to meet someone? Think again. Here are four High Holiday pick-up lines:
1. “I used to think apples and honey were sweet… until I met you.”
Some people respond well to corniness.
2. “Excuse me, this Yom Kippur, I have no sins to atone for. A little help here?”
Maybe use this one when you want more than just a coffee date.
3. “I do enjoy the High Holidays, but the only time I feel high is when you walk into the room.”
This will probably make them groan – but if you see the small smile after, you know you’ve done well.
4. “On Yom Kippur, the Mishnah prohibits marital relations. Thank God we’re not married!”
Approach this one with caution! This might be better as a second or third line as opposed to an opener.
3 Bad Pick-Up Lines You Should Never Use
It’s critical that you avoid certain pick-up lines that some people make in their attempts to woo Jewish singles. Here are three of the most notorious.
1. “You Remind Me Of My Mother.”
Telling a woman she reminds you of your mother may seem like the biggest compliment ever to you, especially if your mom is amazing in your eyes. But to that woman you’re trying to date, it’s undeniably awkward and confusing. Do you mean she looks old? Is this some sort of Freudian thing? By saying this, you might as well end the relationship right then and there. Telling her she has a lot of qualities you find very impressive or respectable is a much better compliment … and not at all Freudian. You can always mention your mom on the second or third date.
2. “You Had Me At Shalom.”
“Jerry Maguire,” the movie where the original line came from, is almost 30 years old. It’s time to put this hackneyed line to rest. This is not the time to pull out those jokes you read in some cheesy book when you were in middle school. There’s nothing funny about being “too punny.” So nix the cheesy pick-up lines, or your crush might feel like you’re a total putz or schmekel.
Simply tell them that you find her attractive and interesting and would enjoy meeting face-to-face. That’s a much better way to make a good first impression.
3. “You Don’t Look Jewish.”
While it’s not a traditional pick-up line, this is a statement that Jews and non-Jews sometimes say to Jewish women and men when schmoozing them up. But noting anything about looks that are associated negatively (like with the word “don’t”) is never a good idea.
For example, if you say, “You don’t look short,” a person might think, “Is there something bad about being short?” Your comment about not looking Jewish essentially makes it seem like it would be a bad thing if they did — not cool.
Tips for Delivering Your Lines
If you just read this article and want to try out your new lines on the next attractive Jewish person you see, you’re probably going to fail. Here are a few tips to ensure that you don’t.
Practice Your Opener
This might sound like overkill but don’t just walk up and say a joke. Practice a few times, say it to a trusted friend, and then think about launching it in the Jewish singles scene.
Choose Your Opportunity
Have you ever tried to tell a joke, and someone walks up and interrupts right as you’re about to deliver your punchline? The threat is real, and it also applies to opening lines. Here are a few times to avoid this approach:
- When there is a lot of background noise
- When the intended recipient is standing in a group
- Any time you believe that your approach would be unwelcome
Bide your time, wait for a quiet moment when they’re not talking, and go deliver your line.
Have a Recovery Plan
There’s at least a reasonable chance that your joke may not land the way you want it to. It helps to have a recovery plan to avoid the awkwardness. You can always follow up with a time-honored bailout technique, like “I’m here all week” or “I’ll show myself out.” Of course, that means you have to leave. If you think it’s going well despite the mediocre attempt, try “I’m funnier after a few drinks. Let’s get together sometime.” Never blame the other person for not getting the joke, and don’t repeat it to them unless they ask.
Advantages of Using Jewish Pickup Lines
There are several reasons why a well-timed Jewish pickup line is exactly what’s called for. Here are some of the advantages.
- It identifies you as Jewish to another Jewish person. Or at least it should. If you’re not Jewish, you should probably avoid these lines altogether. There are plenty of lines that don’t identify with a specific ethnicity.
- These types of introductions are almost always awkward. Delivering a funny line shows your mastery of social situations — a universally attractive quality!
- A good line makes you memorable to the other person, even if it doesn’t lead to a great relationship. “I once had a guy/girl come up to me and say …” And who doesn’t want to live on in someone’s memory for being funny?
Now that you know what to say and what to avoid, it should be a little easier to approach that alluring woman or interesting man you’ve had your eye on. Good luck!
