Whether you’re a young lady who is just embarking on your dating journey or a mature woman of Jewish descent who already has some experience under their belt, chances are that your family and friends have had some advice for you about dating Jewish boys. And while you may be hesitant to heed their warnings when it comes to choosing a potential partner, they can often be correct — especially your mother.
So why would you doubt your mom’s wisdom about finding a nice Jewish boy? After all, she did find her own in your father, didn’t she? Modern Jewish dating varies heavily by cultural background and lifestyle, but one thing every mother would agree on is that you pursue the Jewish boy who meets your emotional and spiritual expectations.
In this blog, we’ll discuss the concept of identifying and dating a nice Jewish boy, what your surrounding community expectations may look like, and why these qualities are so important in the longevity of your relationship in the framing of Jewish culture.
Challenges of Finding a Nice Jewish Boy
When you consider the challenges of finding the right Jewish boy for you, there are a few roadblocks that may come to mind, as well as others you potentially haven’t thought about. Here are the biggest obstacles:
- Religious Devotion – Just because you come from a Jewish background doesn’t mean you’ll be on the same page spiritually, and this can cause a major rift in a relationship if not addressed early on.
- Cultural Differences – The Jewish diaspora is widespread and increasingly diverse in modern times, so it’s no surprise that differences in spiritual background and cultural lifestyle may vary. Depending on your family’s willingness to integrate based on Jewish heritage alone, this may turn out to be a good thing.
- Community Involvement – One thing about Jewish communities is that they are often heavily involved in each other’s lives, which means family members, personal friends, and others from the synagogue may try and offer advice or direction in the midst of your evaluating a partner. While this can be welcome in some situations, it’s also crucial for you to practice your own discernment.
- Modern Adaptations – Dating looks a whole lot different in today’s world than it did even a decade ago, with the increasing use of dating apps, remote interactions, and cultural adaptions to these things changing the dynamic altogether. Ultimately, it will come down to what the individual is comfortable with, especially in relation to their faith.
- Restricted Dating Pool – When you’re specifically interested in dating Jewish men, you’re already narrowing down a significant portion of the population, but depending on your preferences and expectations in addition to that requirement, you may have a smaller pool of viable companions, especially in more remote locations.
What Dating a Nice Jewish Guy Looks Like
When it comes down to it, the definition of a nice Jewish man will depend on your personal preferences and discretion, as many women seek different qualities in men depending on their lifestyle expectations. However, there are a few key attributes that set the “nice guys” apart from the rest.
First and foremost, exhibiting strong family values and a commitment to your loved ones and friends is a universally praised quality, and that’s surely the case for the Jewish community as well. Whether he’s there for them during good or bad times, the tight-knit nature of Jewish families provides an opportunity for you to see how a prospective husband operates within his own family’s dynamic. This will also give you the opportunity to assess their spiritual practices and traditions, which you’ll need to learn about before committing to anything long-term.
You’ll also be looking for someone with whom you share a strong connection — spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. These foundational pillars will shape your compatibility, and without these crucial elements, you will be hard-pressed to make things work. In the end, it’s this mutual connection that beckons the feeling of falling in love because this is when you know you both complement and subsequently fulfill each other’s wants and needs.
Stereotypes and Expectations of Jewish Men
There are quite a few misinformed tropes and lofty expectations that commonly follow Jewish men around, and if you’re a woman who is genuinely looking for someone down to Earth, you’ll want to avoid falling for these recurring misconceptions.
One of the most well-known is that many Jewish men are “mama’s boys,” meaning they’re still too attached to their mothers, with which their mom would probably disagree (as she would if it was your own brother). Most of the time, this is, in fact, a good thing since it shows their ability to love and care for the most important woman in their lives. On the contrary, another stereotype is that Jewish men are overly cautious in their demeanor and unwilling to take risks, which just simply isn’t true, as this could apply to basically anyone.
Some of the more trivial expectations for these suitors are that they’re assumed to all be smart, wealthy, and have a family-first mentality. While these are good qualities, in no way is this possible for all Jewish men, and there will always be a need for compromise in some areas. No one is in control of their own background and upbringing, so it’s never fair not to give someone the ability to continuously navigate these challenges in their own time. It’s just necessary for you to be content about how these processes are playing out.
How Society Views a Self-Identifying “Nice Guy”
The phrase “nice guys finish last” is something of a conundrum because this saying usually refers to men who have a passive approach to dating, expecting romanticism for standard decency while standing in opposition to the alternative “edgy boys.” However, what woman ever had a problem with a kind, honest, and compassionate guy who acknowledges feelings and takes action?
The reality is that Jewish women must find their happy medium, where confidence and empathy exist in perfect harmony in relation to what they want and need from a spiritually and emotionally fulfilling relationship. While there can often be a societal view about who or what a nice guy looks like, especially in Jewish circles, it’s important to make these conclusions for yourself so that your expectations are met and not anyone else’s.
Impact of Community Influence on Relationships
Whether you or a prospective male partner come from a big Jewish family or a highly involved synagogue, it’s no secret that Jewish communities are large, loving, and heavily involved. Not only do family traditions and religious devotion run deep, but these things are also outwardly on display for everyone to see.
If you’re dating a new guy, you can almost guarantee that once your family or friends know about them, so will everyone else. Even if you met your new match in a way that was satisfactory to your parents, there’s no doubt that you’ll experience some challenges on the way to navigating this new community pressure. And while there may be an oversharing of advice or criticism, it’s always important to remember that these offerings are more or less coming from a caring heart (with few exceptions).
Because Jewish communities are so tight-knit, ultimately, they are going to look out for each other, but they will also want to integrate new couples into the community, so this is certainly something you’ll have to prepare for.
Essential Dating Tips for Dating Jewish Men
If you’re a Jewish woman in pursuit of the ideal Jewish guy, here are a few tips that will help you navigate the dating scene so that you can find the exact men who complement your lifestyle.
- Communicate your expectations clearly – It’s always important for new couples to discuss their respective wants and needs early on so there’s not any confusion on where your expectations lie.
- Assess compatibility through shared interests – Building a strong bond begins with forming deep mutual connections through like-minded lifestyle interests, so the more you share in common, the more you will be able to do together.
- Embrace your background and upbringing – Jewish culture is rich and diverse, so unless you come from an extremely conservative sect, most Jews enjoy integrating with others and learning about their practices. It can even bring the families together closer if your heritage is similar.
- Be true to yourself – Showing that you’re authentic and honest goes a long way, and once you’ve been together long enough to confirm the other person has your best interests at heart, you will know their true colors.
- Show honesty and empathy – In addition to having an upstanding character, showing empathy proves you care about your partner on a deeper level, and this sort of compassion is sure to strengthen your bond together, especially during difficult circumstances.
- Follow your instincts – Just because you want to date someone doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you, and it may take some time and patience to find someone who truly fits your principles. Don’t be afraid to kindly move on in pursuit of exactly what you’re looking for.
6 Ways to Define a Nice Jewish Boy According to Your Mom
Did Mom always hope you’d end up with a “nice Jewish boy?” Maybe she was right all along. There are countless women looking for good guys with morals, class, and wit. This makes nice Jewish guys perfect partners in more ways than one. Check out six reasons nice guys don’t finish last, especially if they’re Jewish!
1. He’s Well-Read
Even if they don’t enjoy reading and they barely passed Hebrew school, the nice Jewish guy is well-read. Seriously, what is sexier than that? He will most likely send you well-written text messages without many (if any) grammatical mistakes, and he’ll even sound like a gentleman! That’s definitely a rarity in the dating world these days.
2. He’s Funny
I have yet to meet a nice Jewish guy who couldn’t crack a decent joke or two. My dad was my first introduction to the funny Jewish guy; he always makes people laugh. If a guy is funny and can laugh at himself, he just might be a keeper. Whether it’s dry wit, sarcasm or goofiness, the nice Jewish guy is funny or, at the very least, knows what’s funny and what’s not.
3. He’s Good With Taxes
I owed the IRS money for the first time this year and I cried for at least a day. Thankfully, I had a nice Jewish guy do my taxes so I know I ended up getting the best possible scenario for my finances. Even if your nice Jewish guy doesn’t understand much about 1040s and deductions, there’s a good chance he knows someone who does. More importantly, he manages his own money the smart way.
4. He Has Great Values
A nice Jewish guy has values of steel. He honors his family, spends time with them and makes them a priority. Hard work is also a given; he never shies away from putting in the effort it takes, whether it’s at work or in his relationships. He values you like he values himself, which is highly, and that’s a great thing.
5. He Respects His Mom
One of the best things about a nice Jewish guy is that he respects his mom – even if he doesn’t always agree with her. While there’s definitely a stereotype of the nagging Jewish mother, a good Jewish guy will appreciate that his mom is strong, caring and unafraid to speak her mind. The fact that he cherishes and honors the role his mother plays in his life means he’ll cherish and honor you as a partner as well.
6. He’s Chosen
In case I needed to remind you, nice Jewish guys are already special because they’re one of the chosen people. Being chosen is pretty sweet. It’s simply the cherry on top of the many reasons that nice Jewish guys are so great. How in the heck do you top that? You can’t!
Put your stereotypes aside about the geeky Jewish nice guy away; this man isn’t anything like the nebbish stereotype. On the contrary, a nice Jewish guy is exactly what the doctor (and Mom) ordered and, having had my share of the not-so-nice guys, I can tell you that with full truth and assurance!
