So many questions arise before a first date. What do I wear? How do I act? What do I order? What if I’m not attracted to him/her? But once the date is close to an end, different questions arise. Do we kiss at the end of the night? Hug? Nothing?
Should You Kiss on the First Date?
So much of determining if you should kiss on the first date depends on whether or not you have pre-existing chemistry. If you’ve already advanced a relationship from acquaintance to friendship and on to flirting, it may not come as a surprise if you feel a stronger attraction once you’ve finally had your first real date. However, many conservative cultures have strict expectations when it comes to aligning their dating practices with their faith, so there are certainly Jewish sects that disapprove of any hasty advancements that include pushing the boundaries of intimacy.
Deciding what the right move will be is always going to be a case-by-case scenario, but most importantly, the two individuals must clearly show they’re comfortable with the idea when the situation presents itself. If there’s any inclination of hesitancy or reluctance, it’s best to just hold off and wait for a more opportune time.
The Differing Views on a First Date Kiss
While television and movies make it seem as though every first date is romantic enough to generate a kiss, that is obviously not the case. In fact, this can get you in trouble with certain cultures, as well as individuals who come from more conservative backgrounds. And though many viewpoints like these are considered “traditional,” some people simply want to move at a slower pace and reserve a kiss for what they perceive to be the “right moment.” The best rule of judgment, whether you’re Jewish or not, is that if you have even the slightest second thought about it beforehand, it’s probably best to wait.
It’s also true that modern society, especially among younger generations in Western cultures, has grown comfortable with this practice, embracing the idea of finding an instant connection with someone and hoping to validate that feeling early on. In these scenarios, patience and formality are largely replaced with spontaneity and evaluating physical chemistry, which, when argued, are equally justifiable approaches. At the end of the day, you need to communicate with your partner extensively beforehand to learn what their expectations are for a relationship to gauge what they prefer or may not appreciate. If you don’t think you know for sure if your significant other will accept your advancements, you’re better off holding back until you are.
What People Say About Kissing on the First Date
Since there are certainly many varied opinions regarding whether or not you should kiss on the first date, it should come as no surprise that many singles are conflicted on the topic. Concerning Jewish dating specifically, religious observance will undoubtedly play a huge factor, because more liberal men and women are surely going to be more open to the idea than those from conservative backgrounds.
According to dating coach Blaine Anderson, “Rather than attempting to make a calculated decision about a kiss, lean into your intuition and instincts, and act on your feelings in the moment.” For those Jews considering this adventurous leap on a first date, there are a few key points she says you should note before engaging with a new partner.
- Evaluate Your Chemistry – If you aren’t already familiar with one another or don’t feel a strong connection building during your date, it may be better to hold off for the time being.
- Avoid Mixed Messaging – You don’t want to give your date the wrong impression, so avoid overly flirtatious behavior if you’re not confident you want to kiss, and make it clear if you’re feeling especially affectionate.
- Follow Your Gut – In the end, only you will truly know if you’re comfortable kissing on the first date, so be clear about your boundaries and be sure to determine consent before you go for it.
What are the Psychological Effects of a Kiss on the First Date?
Many Jewish singles are eager to find out if a first date kiss means something, which is the ultimate allure behind this spontaneous act. Many like to believe that this intimate interaction will have a profound effect on the viability of a relationship going forward, but the reality is that this is simply your hormones at work.
When you kiss, a rush of dopamine is released, and if you’re truly experiencing a spark, oxytocin will allow you to literally feel this bonding moment in real time. Due to the emotional intensity of this action, it’s quite likely that the memory will stick with you for some time, even if the relationship itself doesn’t end up working out. However, it also acts as an important step in evaluating the potential chemistry between you both.
How to Communicate You’re Hoping for a First Date Kiss
While you can ask your date if they’re open to first-date kisses outright, it’s not a common thing to do, and it could make things awkward before they ever really get going. Instead, be patient throughout your time spent together and think about verbal and non-verbal cues that might give you some more insight. If you keep making tantalizing eye contact or have made physical moves such as holding hands, it may indicate they’re open to the idea. However, it’s best to move slowly and show restraint if you think they seem uninterested.
Reasons Why Not Kissing on the First Date is Normal
Of course, kissing on the first date is more of an exception than an expectation. The majority of people approach dating slowly, and for that reason, there’s no reason to rush into intimacy. This is certainly already the case in traditional Jewish circles, where physical interactions have been largely discouraged. In the modern day, however, it’s become more culturally acceptable to be dating in accordance with Western norms, but that doesn’t mean personal beliefs and values don’t take precedence.
The following are all valid reasons why people will often wait to kiss their significant other:
- Comfortability – Whether it’s your familiarity with one another, the location of your date, or something else, there are many situations in which a first kiss may not be appropriate.
- Lack of Chemistry – Chemistry isn’t something that’s just assumed, so you’ll have to make a determination based on how well you’re clicking during your date, but if it isn’t inherently obvious, it’s common for people to remain reserved.
- Situational Pressure – If you or the person you’re seeing gets the feeling that the other is being pressured into the situation, they may be reluctant going forward, even seeing it as a breach of respect.
- Religious Observance – In some conservative Jewish circles, physical intimacy is not tolerated at all, so kissing throughout your time of courting is out of the question.
- Relationship Ideals – Everyone has a different idea of how their perfect romance will play out, and very few people actually strive to complete a first kiss on date number one.
Alternatives to Kissing on a First Date
While the thought of kissing on the first date may sound nice in theory, there are plenty of reasons why it could go wrong. Instead, there are a few other gestures you can opt for to get your point of affection across without taking things too far.
Solid eye contact and attentive listening are both effective ways to show you care about what the other person has to say, so extending compliments and compassion in these conversations can help display that you’re not only serious about dating, but that you also care.
In terms of physical gestures, holding hands is an excellent way to make a subtle advancement, and this alone can be a stepping stone to something more later on. Likewise, a hug at the end of the date can signify a heartfelt goodbye without getting too ahead of yourself. If the date went well, there should be no doubt that they’d want embrace you and thank you for your time.
Determining if a Kiss on the First Date is the Right Move
Going in head-first for a kiss without thoroughly contemplating the circumstances beforehand is always a risky move, even if you happen to already know that it’s not necessarily pushing their boundaries. The reality is, even if you go into your date hoping to reach this point of intimacy, it simply may not present itself anyway. Forcing this move just seems pushy for date number one, and can send the wrong impression, even to someone who might have been open to the idea if it were in a more respectful and romantic way.
No matter if you’re one who would abstain every time or someone who’s not scared of a little risk-taking, it should be fairly reassuring that about 68% of all first dates end in a kiss, according to a 2023 study. This generally means that if it’s someone you are previously familiar with and may have already had instances flirting with, it’s more likely than someone you’re meeting from a dating app in person for the first time. Most people are split on the ultimate outcome, but really, a person’s background, culture, and lifestyle will all be relevant indicators that you can judge early on.
Why Didn’t He Kiss Me on the First Date?
If you’re a woman who’s anticipating the affirmation of a kiss on the first date, you may be left disappointed if he doesn’t make a move. Even if you didn’t necessarily hope it would happen, you may read into it as a sign that he’s not into you. However, that’s rarely the case. Many men often anticipate that women will perceive their advancement as overzealous, therefore labeling it as a “red flag” that could hurt their chances of proceeding further without incident. If he didn’t kiss you but seems eager to see you again, it’s probably a good sign that he’s just exhibiting patience and waiting for a few meetings to confirm the attraction and sentiment is mutual.
A few different things can happen at the end of a date. Let’s break it down to help you decide how to handle that awkward goodbye next time.
Scenario #1: The Easiest And Best Case
Your date takes you back to your place of residence, walks you to your door, looks in your eyes, and kisses you. Following the kiss, he says, “I had such a good time tonight. Can I take you out again next week?” You walk inside, grinning ear to ear, and fall asleep happy as can be.
Scenario #2: The Not-So-Subtle Lip-Cheek Kiss
You and your date arrive back at your front door; you start talking about nonsense because you both are questioning what’s going to come next. Your date leans in for a kiss on the lips, but you think he’s going for the cheek, and he ends up halfway in between. It’s just flat-out uncomfortably awkward, but you both try to laugh it off.
Scenario #3: The Hugger
Your date is dropping you back off at home, and you are thinking about how you had the best time and really want to invite him up. You know better than that since it’s only the first date, so you at least are excited for a kiss – a make-out session, actually. You’re at the door with him saying your goodbyes, waiting for that kiss, and as he leans in, he goes for a…hug. Slightly mortified, you go inside and drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream.
Scenario #4: The Mover And Shaker
You arrive back at your front door with your date. You’re making jokes, giggling, and flirting with each other. As you start to say your goodbyes, he makes a joke about coming upstairs; you decide to invite him up because you think, “Why the hell not?!” He comes up, you guys “hang out” for the rest of the night, and he leaves the next morning.
In conclusion, the end of a first date can be rather interesting. It can be dreamy, amazing, and exactly what you pictured in your mind, but it can also be uncomfortable, strange, and totally awkward. It’s unpredictable, so there’s really no point in having any expectations! You really just gotta roll with the punches, go with the flow, and take it for what it is. And, don’t forget, you don’t have to wait for him to make a move. If you know you want a goodnight kiss, go for it!
