Do people believe in soul mates these days? According to a recent poll taken by Spark Networks, Inc., the owner and operator of JDate, 46% of singles believe there is one right person in the world for them, compared to 34% who disagreed and 20% who were undecided.
If you believe in soul mates, how might you recognize yours? Here are seven common things I’ve heard people report feeling when they first meet their soul mate or beshert:
- Time stands still.
- You get a feeling like you’ve known each other before.
- There are many commonalities.
- You have similar values.
- There is a deep mutual acceptance.
- You have an ability to help each other grow.
- Obstacles don’t matter – you still want to be together.
What is a Beshert?
A beshert is the Jewish notion of a soul mate. Beshert means destiny or your predestined spouse. Some rabbis teach that according to the Talmud, 40 days before a male child is born, God announces whose daughter he will marry.
According to Kabbalah, God divides a soul in half, into male and female. When they finally meet in holy matrimony, their bond returns.
Some people believe you can go to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray for 40 days to attract your soul mate. We’ve heard that this has worked more than once. There are even websites like www.jerusalemtempleprayers.com that will send someone to the Wailing Wall to pray for you for 40 days for a fee.
Your Beshert is certainly out there, and we know this because a divine force has already organized a perfect Jewish love match for you. Your quest for the ideal companion is meant to be spiritually fulfilling and deeply rooted in faith, and Judaism and soulmates have traditional importance that we know matters to our members at Jdate. That’s why our online dating platform features a robust matching algorithm that aims to pair the most compatible Jewish singles in your area.
The way your Jewish mother or grandmother may interpret a Beshert is probably in the traditional sense, where they would expect you to make a meaningful connection at synagogue or through your local Jewish community. However, at their core, your Beshert will truly be someone you feel a deep connection with who is also looking to grow spiritually in a relationship, not only with you but primarily with God.
Recognizing Your Beshert
A good way to attract your soul mate is to be spiritually open and willing to grow and learn. You need to be mature enough to know yourself on a deep level so you can recognize who will complement you – and to look beyond any external factors to the soul level of your date. You also need to be ready to work on a relationship that will ultimately bring up challenging karmic issues for you both. Your soul mate will know you more deeply than others, and this can be both blissful and miserable at times. Yet if you’re both willing to own your weaknesses and to work on them, this relationship can be a place to grow tremendously, both in wholeness and in love.
In the end, finding your soul mate may feel joyous, wonderful and otherworldly, but marriage and long-term relationships are still work and a constant dose of reality. In fact, the very nature of soul mates is to help each other grow on a spiritual level, so these relationships can be even more challenging than having a regular companion.
The Dating Process Explained
When utilizing a Jewish dating app, the dating process is pretty straightforward, but begins to take complexity as it advances into a more commitment-based phase. First, you’ll begin by creating your profile on Jdate and uploading your favorite photos which will be approved by compliance and used to promote you to other singles in the area. Next, you’ll take a comprehensive personality quiz to outline all your preferences and lifestyle choices. Then, our highly accurate algorithm will begin suggesting other profiles of those whose information most matches your own. Will this be your Beshert? Well, it’s up to you to find out!
From there, you’ll be able to message within the app to get an idea of the other person’s background and personality, but if you feel comfortable, you can move along to the in-person dating phase. Once this becomes a recurring thing, the evaluation and self-assessment begin, along with learning about the other individual and beginning to talk about future goals and concerns or aspirations. If priorities, communication, and ultimately emotional and physical validation begin to take form, you’ll be on track to knowing this person is the right fit assuming the feeling is mutual.
Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
Practicing introspection is one of the most important parts of any relationship. Not only is it important to know who you are and what you bring to the table, but you also have to determine what your actual needs and desires are in order to decide what’s most important to you when looking for a prospective partner. Finding your Jewish soulmate may seem like filling out a checklist of preferences, but it’s more about strengthening a bond through faith and life goals.
If you’re taking proactive steps in self-reflection, you’re willing to dig deeper into your core values and beliefs and understand how to apply them to your daily life and future aspirations. Knowing what you’re hoping to accomplish later on in life, what role you’d like to play in your spiritual community, and what type of family lifestyle you look forward to fostering will all lead you to formulate your own self-evaluation to identify your personal strengths and weaknesses. Once you do so, you’ll be able to know what your expectations in a companion might look like, and from there, you can take the steps to begin engaging with single Jewish men or women. Thankfully, comprehensive dating apps like Jdate take into account your personality traits and goals and connect you with the best Jewish love match in your area.
Defining Relationship Priorities
When you’re looking to find your Beshert, you’re going to assume their priorities will also align with your own, and this is usually crucial to forming a dedicated bond that will transform into a serious long-term relationship. However, like in self-reflection, you’re going to have to identify your own personal priorities before jumping into a relationship and accommodating someone else’s as well. You’ll need to see if you’re ready to prioritize the relationship first and foremost, then assess how you’d like to implement a likely companion into your life’s routine. Remember, if we’re talking about Judaism and soulmates, you will likely feel a spiritual spark about a promising individual.
Once you’ve begun the dating process, clarifying your priorities with your partner and continuing to have ongoing communication will be essential. This way, you’ll become more effective at implementing the other person into your schedule without them thinking you’re uninterested, and you can meet around work or whatever other obligations exist prior to your existence in their routine. From there, if you begin to realize this really could be your Jewish soulmate, you’ll notice yourself prioritizing them over all other leisure and social activities.
Importance of Communication
You cannot discuss relationships without emphasizing that communication is everything, and that goes for any subject, any instance, and even through unspoken body language. The reason communication is so vital is that it allows not only for expression, but also the building of trust, bonds, and ultimately a healthy relationship. If you’re not able to present something you’re unhappy about to your partner, how will they know how to apply your criticism constructively and make changes in the future? Being clear and understanding of a new relationship will prompt you to be gentle at first, but if this communication is not being reciprocated, how can you call them your Beshert?
Sharing your thoughts and desires with another person is a vulnerable exchange, but having empathy for the other person and feeling the want to accommodate their aspirations is one way of validating your partner in real-time. The more active listening and emotional connections that are built, the stronger you’ll see your bond become. If you’re not experiencing this sort of two-way communication, it could be a sign that you need to evaluate what exactly justifies this person as your soulmate, or if perhaps your infatuation is simply the idea of the relationship rather than the individual on the other side.
First intelligent article I’ve read. What a pleasure to witness the writings of those genuinely interested in helping others self-evaluate with insight and intelligence for the the purposes of growing as individuals and as a couple.
I was in a blissful relationship and had a marriage many can only dream of with a man who was more than a man, He was an anomaly!
You’ve heard the cliche “relationships take work”… but does anybody really know what that means any more? Men write it all the time, as do women, but do they understand what it is that they are claiming to want a part of? I have a feeling that the answer is no. So…why is that?
In my humble opinion, it takes two exceptional people to create one exceptional relationship. That’s just for starters. After that; it’s a question of knowing what you want; what you need; what you’re willing to give or do and what you are not. Communication; Sincerity; Honesty and Integrity and most of all….Respect.
When things get rough, the easiest thing to do is to walk away; as many do. The harder thing, is to negotiate. Negotiations are a vital component to helping relationships stay on focus and on track. Relationships are organic; they aren’t stagnant and lifeless. They are the trees that bear the fruit which you will ultimately taste. And whether the fruit is bitter or sweet, will depend entirely on how it has been nurtured; fed and tended. xo
I truly do believe in this predestined soulmate idea…my soulmate and I just discussed the Beshert notion yesterday…he and I have been together for 2.5 years and all “7 common feelings” still are true for us after all this time…we love so deeply and share so much and are honestly each other’s very best friends…even the way we found each other was so unique and mysterious that we are both convinced that our souls were made for each other…:) <3
I’m not Jewish, but as an Evangelical Christian I certainly acknowledge the truth of the Jewish scripture, and the sincerity of Jewish traditions. this article on the ways to recognize your Beshert meant so much to me and to my wife, who passed away yesterday morning. We met in midlife and had had unsuccessful marriages. We met the criteria, commonality, willingness to grow, etc. When we first learned the concept of the Beshert we knew that we were soulmates, and we addressed each other as “My Beshert.” I acknowledge that a person can have more than one lover (hopefully not at the same time), but you can only have one Beshert in a lifetime. I miss her so much, and I will love her forever.
Thank you all for your messages. I wrote this article a few years ago and today I got Bill’s message. It’s nice to know people are still reading it. Bill, I am so sorry about your loss of such a great spiritual love. You were both priveledged to have experienced it. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I am currently with a man who I do believe is my Beshert. I love him so very much, and in a few months it will mark 3 years since we began dating, though we weren’t together the entire time because our relationship had spiralled downhill and had separated, but we got back together and are the best of friends. He the first person I’ve ever had a relationship with, and I wish to be my last. Here’s the problem tho, he doesn’t have any relationship with God. I’m going to try to lead him to God, because i know it will never work out if God is not our shared foundation. Please, if you will, pray for his salvation.
I am with mine! He instantly melted my cold cynical heart. I never bought into soul mates before. But now I know the truth. I prayed for him and G-d delivered!
so do Jews believe in Karma? I see you comment on “challenging karmic issues” but I love, follow and serve the L-rd and He does not emobdy karma. So how do you reconcile this belief system.
I never assumed you believe in Karma in the classic Vedic sense. I just thought you were referring to a give and take attitude about behavior.