When you receive an email from a JDater that you’ve been trading views with (or perhaps haven’t seen before on your search results), it’s an exciting development and a step in the right direction. That person worked up the courage to send you an email! They are willing to risk rejection to see if there’s something more between you. So, how do you respond?
To come up with some possible responses, let’s use the sample email from my previous post:
Hey there, this is Tamar. I hope you’re having a nice Tuesday!
Aside from the fact that I think your eyes are beautiful, I am really intrigued about all of the things we have in common, like hiking the Grand Canyon at sunrise and our mutual love for Coldplay (I’ve seen them live eight times!). What other hiking trips do you have planned? Are you going to Coachella? I have my tickets but may sell them, I’m not sure yet.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to hearing back from you and getting to know each other better. If you’re interested in meeting up there are some cool, new restaurants in the area. Let me know your schedule for the next week.
I hope you have a great rest of your day.
-Tamar
Now that you’ve gotten the email, you can customize your response based on one of these three reactions.
1. If You Aren’t Interested
If you are not interested in getting to know this person better, it is good karma to respond. This reply can be short, but should still be polite. “Thank you so much for the kind email. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are a match, but I wish you well.” Or, you can write something even simpler: “Thank you and good luck out there.”
You can also make up a little white lie to soften the blow: “Your email was really sweet, but I just met someone I’m interested in getting to know better so I’m not actively looking. Good luck to you!” If the person you’ve rejected continues to send emails, you can block them. It’s no fun having to reject someone, but if they don’t get the hint, then it can quickly become obnoxious. For the most part, I encourage people to always respond because if you were the one sending the first email, you would want to hear something back and not be left hanging.
2. If You’re Not Sure Yet
Sometimes, you receive an email from someone with an incomplete profile or who wrote some things you’re unsure about. This is a great opportunity to exchange a few emails and get to know each other better before committing to getting together. You can reply with: “Thanks for the email! I also noticed that we had some things in common, but I’d love to hear more about you. Your profile didn’t say where you’re from or what you do for a living. I was hoping you could fill me in, unless you’re in the Witness Protection Program, of course … I hope you’re having a great day and look forward to hearing back from you soon!”
This response is polite, engaging and humorous, and it elicits a response while showing mutual interest. You can avoid answering any questions having to do with going out on a date for now, but after a few exchanges, you should make a decision.
3. If You Are Interested
This is the fun one! When you are interested in the JDate prospect who emailed you, you can respond with much more enthusiasm. You don’t want to come across too strong though, so be careful not to add too many celebratory adjectives or exclamation points. Try this:
Hi Tamar,
It was so great to see an email from you! We’ve been viewing each other’s profiles for awhile now, so I appreciate you taking the time to take it past that stage.
First off, I can’t believe you’ve seen Coldplay that many times – impressive! I also have tix to Coachella, but have to wait and see how my work schedule pans out. I always get them just in case. I’ll tell you about my trip to Israel if you tell me about your trip to Alaska – that is on my bucket list.
I’m free this Wednesday and Friday and there are a few days next week that will work, too. Let me know when you’re free. That new place Farmer’s Table sounds really good.
-Mark
This response shows appreciation for the other person making the first move to write the initial email. It responds to some of the questions asked and hints at a future conversation rather than actually answering other questions. It also shows that you paid attention to their profile as well. Finally, it volunteers actual days and a place where the first date can take place. The email is simple, short and to the point. It has a positive undertone and even a bit of flirtatiousness.
Utilize these one of these three formats to answer each email you receive. And if you receive an email that is a clear copy-and-paste, then I give you permission to either ignore it or, if you are still intrigued by the sender, write back: “I’d like to learn more about you, but this email was pretty impersonal … I’m wondering what made you email me? Looking forward to hearing from you.” This reply opens the door for the original sender to have more confidence in their reply and hopefully, they will take advantage of the second chance.
You may also be interested in 4 Ways To Give Your Online Dating Profile A Makeover In 2017
This is terrible advice. Don’t lie and say you’re seeing someone if you’re not. Just don’t respond. Some people get tons of emails and expecting them to respond to each one is unreasonable.
I used to think it was nice to respond with a polite ‘thank you for writing but I don’t think we’re a match. Best of luck in your search’ but I got enough nastiness that I started opting to remain silent. And I’ve heard from women that for them it’s even worse.